I guess maybe it will provide me with some sort of satisfaction... like a feeling that I am bigger than I am... like I am talking out to the world (wide web) and it is listening (and I secretly hope that it will respond... with adulation and awe... and that it will be mostly made up of beautiful, mature, although courageous women (for some illogical reason, when I anthropomorphize the www, this is how I envision it)). I was Googling myself tonight (that’s right), and although I was pleasantly surprised to see a link associated with my actual identity as the first to come up under my name, the vast majority of links on the first three pages (and let’s be honest, anything beyond that might as well not exist) were about either a chess master or a Hollywood producer who happen to share my same handle. Now I’m not complaining; three links associated with me on the first three pages of a Google search isn’t bad, and furthermore, those three links had to do with pieces of fiction I’d written, which is the only thing that I really crave recognition for… I’m fine with anonymity in my everyday life, I cultivate it, in fact. But I have this weird conception of the www, (in addition to the way I anthropomorphize it) which I know is just a strategy my brain is using to personalize, organize and make concrete, a concept that is abstract, impersonal, and complicated. That conception is of the www as something like a sold out 6 billion seat auditorium, and my laptop is the podium on the stage. I kept a pretty seldomly updated Myspace blog awhile back, and I’ve been toying with the idea of starting what I’m starting tonight, but have hesitated because I’ve always felt that anything I have to say, is essentially, inconsequential to every living thing, myself included… but I feel that way about everything that’s ever been said since people figured out how to talk.
So here goes, and we’ll see how long this lasts… if I had to bet, honestly, I’d say not very long, but as I write (type) I’m having delusions of grandeur about all of the readers and commentors who will follow this blog weekly, maybe even bi-weekly… dare I say, “daily?” Let’s not get carried away. (I’ll consider it a personal victory if this doesn’t end up as the single post on my blog)(I’ll consider it an even bigger victory if someone reads it) Anyway, so I’m at the podium, and with my personally insightful, and self-deprecatingly humorous (although, needless to say, inconsequential) opening remarks, I envision 6 billion readers sitting at their monitors with rapt attention, their mouths figuratively watering for more.
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